Abashed The Devil Stood
by EvelynEvelyn
Summary: "Don't leave me on my own" she begged desperately and squeezed O'Brien's hand tighter.
1. Chapter 1

Set just before and during Cora's miscarriage This is simply what I thought (more like wish) would of happened after Cora fell. I wrote it listening to Florence and the Machine- No light no light, so it sort of inspired it.

There's a serious lack of Corah fics on here :'( And although I ship them so hard this first chapter is more of O'Brien's guilt about the soap than anything. Besides It's not exactly going to get all smutty while Cora's loosing her child!

But no doubt future chapters will :3 I wanted to build it up from scratch though after all O'Brien wasn't Cora's biggest fan in the first series. This story (if any one likes it and I continue it) will have them develop these feelings etc etc Anyway, ta-dah!

* * *

Chapter 1

_Abashed the devil stood _

_and felt how awful goodness is_

_ and saw Virtue in her shape how lovely: and pined his loss _

_-John Milton_

Something had manifested inside Sarah O'Brien, something uncomprehendable. A simultaneously aching and stabbing feeling that originated at a point deep within her and snaked merciless tendrils to her heart. It was anger and bitterness all laced into one and other. For days now the lingering emotion had been building up, but today more than ever. With every piece of information Thomas divulged or when overhearing conversations she shouldn't have, she felt herself being pushed further over the edge.

The pinnacle of this anger reached its peak, the moment her ladyship,_Cora_ had so bluntly asked her of all people how long a lady's maid took to settle in. She'd made a mockery of her, smacked her in the face. After ten years of loyalty this was her thanks. Admittedly, Sarah'd never considered Cora as more than an employer. And the countess had often been at the end of her snide remarks to Thomas- but she'd never done any wrong towards her no matter what she thought.

* * *

_But then an opportunity had risen when her ladyship had dropped her soap. Almost robotically Sarah had moved to retrieve it, ignoring her mistresses quiet apology. With just a small pause for consideration, she'd kicked the broken half and left it. _

_Of course she warned Cora after all she did not want any blame to be put to there had been something surprisingly satisfying about it, it was possibly even more enjoyable this her mistress would fall and break one of those perfect nails of her, or at the very least the fall would knock some sense into the woman._

* * *

Yet now in the adjoining room the exhilaration left her. And as she began to pick up her ladyship's clothes she'd caught sight of herself in the mirror.

Dark eyes bore into themselves; the usual indifference they held replaced with something unknown. When had she become this person?

"Sarah O'brien this is _not_ who you are"

She spoke defiantly to herself as all the malice left her body. Replaced with a strong desire to protect the woman whom she'd been intent on hurting only moment ago.

"If her ladyship could wait a-" Before she could finish her sentence there'd been a screech from the other room followed by a loud thump, and Sarah knew she was to late.

Her stare was blank and unseeing as she made no attempt to move. That very moment she could of sworn her whole heart had shattered into tiny pieces. She didn't know how to feel, what to do. The sensation of helplessness washed over her, and she didn't like it.

There had been no redemption; she truly was the monster everyone believed she was.

Momentarily, Cora's features were as the sun shined brightly through the windows. It would have been quite serene had she not just fallen and now lay flat on her stomach. The pain had been instantaneous and not just that of the bruising of her skin, but from deep inside to. Right away she knew something was wrong. Closing her eyes, Cora tried to stay calm. But knew by the sound of her deep breaths she wasn't doing a good job at it. She tried to ignore the fact that the side of her face throbbed. Wanting only to concentrate on the child she was carrying.

"O'Brien!" she tried to call out, though her voice was hoarse. She trembled as the cool air hit her and her eyes watered on their own accord. She hoped desperately that her maid had heard her and her unborn child was not hurt.

Her ladyships voice tore through her regrettable thoughts like fire onto ice. Even after hearing it she couldn't make her legs move. Already dreading what would be awaiting her through the door. It was only when she heard an agonizing whimper she sprang into action and made her way back into the other room.

"M'Lady" she implored in a concerned tone, making her to the end of the tub. The sight before he was almost pitiful, Cora was trembling and naked on the cold marble floor. A pang of guilt spread throughout Sarah and she quickly kneeled next to her lady.

"M'lady are you hurt badly?" she asked in a gentler tone, though cursed her stupidity; of course she was hurt. Reaching out she placed a hand on the older woman's bare shoulder. The contrast between temperature was startling but made sense. Cora was soaked from her bath and completely undressed. "We need to get you up M'lady" she insisted, giving the shoulder a quick squeeze.

Her maids presence soothed Cora and even in her injured state she couldn't help but marvel about how good she was to her. Nodding her head, she soon let O'Brien help her up into a sitting position. She used the side of the bath to lean back on, her legs naturally curled. "I should of watched my step" she finally spoke blaming herself for being so foolish.

Sarah desperately wanted to argue, to reassure her that it was not the case. But found herself silent. It seemed her ladyship was not as injured as first thought and for a moment she was relieved. Her wicked plan had come to no avail and for once she was glad. Noticing how Cora was still shaking, she shifted slightly "M'lady you need to get warm, let me 'elp y'er up so I can dress you and call for Lord Grantham"

Smiling, Cora's right hand reached to touch Sarah's that remained on one shoulder. "My dear O'brien, there's no need I'm not tha-" before she could even finish she let out a sharp intake of breath. Letting go of her maids hand she cradled her stomach as pain shot through her abdomen "M'lady! What's wrong!" O Brien panicked, by this point she no longer kneeled but sat on the wet floor with her mistress. Rubbing her hands up and down Cora's arms as the later continued to double over in her seated position with her eyes squeezed shut. "Shh m'lady shh everything's gonna' be alright I'll get someone to fetch the doctor"

As she began to get up she felt her hand being grabbed, and couldn't move. Cora now with her eyes open remained stuck on her own "No, _please_ stay here until the pai-" she faltered and lost track of her words "Don't leave me on my own" she begged desperately and squeezed O'Brien's hand tighter.

* * *

Liked it? Hated it?


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry it's taken so long to update! But I'be hit a total writers block with this story. I've been preoccupied with new ideas but don't want to start anything yet.

I tired looking for some Corah vids on youtube for inspiration but could only find one. So, I've been thinking of making my own- if anyone wants to give me some ideas or request anything by all means do so.

Oh, and if there're any typos here I apologies! I haven't the motivation to correct anything.

So here's chapter two. Hope you're not disappointed...

* * *

Chapter Two

_You take away my time, my peace, my empathy  
No babies sleep on atrophy  
Your unborn love and fetal's dress  
My bitter candy fated less caress  
_

_-Hole, Credit to the straight world_

For a moment Sarah was caught off guard, never had she been spoken to by her ladyship. The manner of which would be considered improper by any other circumstance. Glancing from their entwined hands then back to Cora's face she was over come with guilt. And something else, something she couldn't quite understand. A part of her wanted to grant her ladyship's request and remain as they were. To comfort her and tell her everything was to be alright. But then of course that rational side kicked in.

"M'lady you need a doctor" she tried to reason, though stayed where she was. Keeping eye contact until Cora's bright blue eyes winced once again in pain, the woman was clearly in agony.

The momentary loss of eye contact caused O'Brien herself to avert her gaze. Though the moment she did she wish she hadn't. For she saw only crimson, literally. The marble ground, which Cora sat on, began to cover in the substance and it could only mean one thing. Her child was dying within her.

Before she could open her eyes, Sarah used her free hand to clutch her ladyship's cheek, thus keeping her eyes away from the blood.

Opening her eyes once again she was met with her maid's own darker stare. She was shocked at the sudden contact, though was in to much pain to think more on it. The agony in between her legs intensified and she tried to remain calm. She was not naïve, she could feel liquid running down her legs; though tried to ignore it. "I…I _know_ what's happening" she stuttered trying to stay strong. Though grateful for O'Brien's attempt to conceal the truth.

Sarah in turn squeezed Cora's hand. She had always assumed her ladyship to be unaware of the hardship's of life, or even more so reality in general. In her eyes the rich lived in their own bubble, their staff merely background noise. She marvelled for a moment in Cora's own strength. She half expected her to be a bubbling wreck by now.

"M'lady" she began in a tone unlike herself "I wish"… she faltered looking once again to the crimson then up again "You _need_ the doctor…I have t'er go" she reasoned though regrettably so.

Even in the midths of her pain Cora knew that O'Brien was right. Rationally her maid couldn't just sit here with her all day. For a moment she considered her own morality, she could easily be dying also. She was after all carrying a child and it wasn't unheard of.

Then why was she so calm? She couldn't put it all on O'Brien's support nor her pride. Perhaps she was in fact naïve in believing that the pain wouldn't last so long. Though just at that moment there was another throb in her abdomen. She tried to look down but felt O'Briens other hand hold her cheek as well. Causing her to remain as she was. Snapping her eyes open she wanted to question her maid's motives. But the expression on the latter's face said it all.

It was then it hit her.

Her child was dying, dead. It really was going to be too late. Even after her earlier admission the stark reality of it finally got the better of her.

And that realization was all it took for her to break. She felt her eyes blur as wet tears fell uncontroulby from her blue eyes. Reaching forward she clutched the front of O'Brien's black dress. Burying her head onto the younger woman's shoulder. "No.._no_ no.." she muttered over and over. Wincing now and then as the pain came and went. "My baby!" she screamed.

With her ladyship now sobbing on her shoulder O'Brien's hands had left their position on her face and snaked around her shoulders. Holding her tightly as the tears and blood flowed. By now the tiled floor was covered, mixed with the spilt bathwater. Shutting her eyes momentarily she took this moment to realize what she'd done and how I could never be undone. Gilt swept over her like a wave.

She had damned herself; only hell could await someone like her.

And as Cora clung to her, almost like a child would cling to it's mother- O ' Brien found herself doing something she hadn't done in years. She wept, quietly. For the countess and for herself. Instinctively she held tighter, realizing there wasn't any point in leaving now anyway-the child. Whatever was left of it was dead.

"I'm not going anywhere, M'lady" she whispered soothingly. If this were any other situation no doubt the impropriety of it would be called out. But neither of them could think of that now. The two women cried together.

And that was how Elsie Hughes found them.

* * *

Later that evening Sarah found herself sat with the rest of the staff; her expression void. After Mrs Hughes's arrival chaos has ensued. It was all a blur and she didn't want to remember any of it. Not even how she was torn away from her Ladyship and ordered to fetch Lord Grantham and the doctor.

The mood was somber now, no-one could quiet believe what had not much attention was paid to her, and she doubted anyone could tell not even believe her eyes were red from her earlier tears. No, they probably counted her expression as her usual indifference. It was only Mrs Hughes who knew. And she knew better by now than to gossip.

When Thomas had walked in, brazen as ever- Sarah made no notion she'd heard him. Though when he began to demine everything she winced. Her state of numbness was only lifted when a fight had erupted. She took the distraction as her chance to leave the room, not caring even for her only ally in the house.

Once outside the cool night air hit her all to suddenly. Using the wall for support she tried to gather her thoughts. Guilt was the main obstruction and she knew it would never go away. But there was something else. She wished she could see her ladyship, to make sure she was alright. Of course she knew that the woman would never be alright, yet anything would be better than dwelling about. Frowning she shook her head, why did she care? The damage was already done after all- what could she do now.

Reaching into the pocket of her black dress she grasped a single cigarette she'd been saving for after her ladyship's bath. She almost sneered at the irony, she could of just left after and come for her cigarette then none of this would of happened. Using a match she lit it, inhaling deeply then letting the smoke blow out of her nose. Images of the countess swept through her mind, even as she tried to stop them. Taking another drag, she held out her free hand in front of her. Earlier they'd been covered in blood but after countless wash's clean again. Still she felt like she would never be clean again.

Looking up to the sky for solace, she knew there'd never be a way of bringing back the child. Though from now on she would make it her priority to care for her Ladyship. There'd be no more snide remarks nor a roll of the eyes when called upon.

Her life no longer belonged to her; she was indebted to Lady Cora Crawley, forever.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you so much to those of you who've reviewed this fic so far! You've all been so lovely and I'm very grateful!

I know a lot of you have commented on the lack of romance, but trust me it's going to happen. I just want to build up all the angst and repressed emotions, on both sides first. Once I get there this story's rating will most definatly be going up.

For now though, I hope the glimpse of some Cora/O'Brien fluff at the end of this chapter will keep you sustained. And remember, good things come to those who wait ;)

* * *

Chapter three

_Like the naked leads the blind.  
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.  
Sucker love I always find,  
Someone to bruise and leave behind._

_-Placebo, Every you and every me._

It'd been days since the accident and Sarah nor none of the staff at that matter had seen her Ladyship. It was only Mrs Hughes who'd been permitted an audience with her, and that was just once. It annoyed her how the older woman was given the privilege, yet she seemed forgotten.

Though as time went on her sense of jealousy faded and turned to concern. Lord knew how her Ladyship dressed herself or pinned her hair without the aid of a maid. The woman had spent her life being served in such areas. Though bleak realization had soon hit Sarah. Her ladyship probably never left her bed since her fall, to ill to do so. And it made her feel dead inside.

Now without her ladyship to attend to, Sarah found herself more often or not, outside smoking. Of course she should have been getting on with other things. But to be doing the same odd and end jobs as the younger maids made her seethe. She was a _lady's maid_ and had spent several years working up to that position. Besides, she couldn't stand how the likes of Anna would ramble on about the countess's accident. It only reminded her of what she'd done.

Stubbing out a cigarette, she prepared to leave the solace of the yard. Knowing that Mrs Hughes or Mr Carson would come looking for her sooner or later. Sighing she made her way inside, and as if on queue Mrs Hughes came bustling from around the corner.

"_Another_ cigarette Miss O'Brien? Do tell us if we're working you to hard" she drooled sarcastically, shaking her head disapprovingly.

Sarah kept her expression indifferent, though she hated being spoken to as if she were a mere maid. "We all due respect Mrs Hughes I 'aint some young servant" She moved to sit in her usual place around the table, ignoring the daggers Mrs Hughes sent her. She'd left a petticoat she'd been meaning to fix for Lady Edith and started on it once again. It was getting late and the garden party was due tomorrow.

"That so I'm sure you have _more_ than just sewing to be getting on with" the Scottish woman continued "And-

Before she could carry on in her patronising tone, one of the many bells' rung. Both women looked in it's direction and were shocked to see who was calling downstairs; Her ladyship.

In and instant Sarah shot up from her seat, and would of began her way upstairs immediately, had it not been for Mrs Hughes in her way "I think it's best I attend her ladyship for now" she insisted, but Sarah wouldn't have any of it.

"You were just complainin' about me not doin' enough" she crossed her arms "Besides if 'er Ladyship didn' want me to go up I'm sure she'd of sent someone for _you_ personally" Now it was her turn to lace up on the sarcasm. Giving the older woman one of her infamous 'looks' she processed to push past and make her way up.

Once put of sight she tried to quicken her pace, wanting more than anything to see for herself her Ladyship's condition '_a condition you caused'_ she thought bitterly.

* * *

The warmth of the main house felt constricting the moment she was out of the servants quarters. Usually she'd bitterly contemplate it, but she had more pressing issues on her mind. Half way up the stairs she found herself face to face with Lord Grantham, whom was on his way down. Propriety set in and she found herself stopping to achnolige him. The man didn't seem particularly bothered by her presence, and she was glad. Though after a few seconds he seemed to snap out of his trance like state.

"O'Brien?" her second name hung in the air as question. Her looked utterly perplexed at her being there. She knew from overheard conversations his opinion on her, thus only added to her coldness towards the man- especially now. Why did he think she was there? She was his wife's maid god's sake. Setting her jaw, she realized she hadn't answered .

"Pardon me _sir_" she began not even trying to conceal her indifference. For a moment she wondered why she cared not for his loss but felt utterly distraught over her ladyship's "_My_ lady rang for me" she explained finally, feeling the need to emphasise the word 'my'.

Lord Grantham's confusion seemed to heighten as his brows frowned "She called for _you_, now?" he asked and Sarah did her best to not roll her eyes. Was he deaf?

"Yes m'lord and beggin' you pardon but I feel I shouldn't keep her waitin'" she tried to be polite, even raising her eyes and forcing a smile. But she knew he would see through it. Still she couldn't go anywhere until he'd let her, so she waited.

Clearing his throat Lord Grantham nodded "I see, of course, do send her my love"

Sarah's face twitched slightly at this, but she agreed never the less. She felt almost sick at his request. Why couldn't he say it himself? Hadn't he been with her during this terrible time? Or had he simply left her to grieve on her own, while he cared more about losing an heir than his wife's state of mind.

Now she stood directly opposite her Lady's room, her earlier anticipation only heightened. Usually she'd walk straight in, but her previous confidence was missing. So instead she took a deep breath and knocked.

And waited,

_And waited._

Met with silence she feared the worse, until an almost timid voice called from the other side . "O'Brien, is that you?"

Pride engulfed her as this was clarification that her ladyship had indeed intended on _her_ coming up, and no-one else. " 'Tis m'lady" she replied placing a hand on the handle, ready to enter. There was no other sound so she took it as her invitation.

Opening the door she was greeted by the sight of Cora in her bed, she looked pale. Her usually bright blue eyes darkened, almost dead looking. Closing the door quietly she made note of how her lady's hair clearly hadn't been brushed not styled at all during her abcense. Infact her whole demaounr screamed out to be taken care of. Yet, even in this state Sarah couldn't deny her lady's subtle beauty. Standing at the foot of the bed, she held her hands together in fornt of her . Desperatly she wanted to help, to beg her forgivness. But formality kicked in

"Does your ladyship require anything? She asked though mentally berated herself '_No Sarah she called you up here for the sheer joy of it'._

* * *

After several days in mourning, Cora had finally built up the strength to see someone. She'd scarcely spoken to any other person during the period. Robert had come twice, and though he'd tried to be comforting he failed miserably. And she knew what he was thinking anyway. He blamed her for being so careless and destroying any hope he ever had of having her son. It'd not been the first time she'd seen his disappointed. After each of her daughters births, though he loved them dearly, she knew he wanted a son.

So she had called the only other person she fully trusted, her dear O'Brien. Besides her maid had been there when the accident initially happened, it was her support that'd gotten her though everything. She could vaguely remember a moment of closeness between them, and she could of sworn her maid shed a few tears. But it was all fuzzy in her mind, her pain had distracted her.

Now, sat up in her bed, _her prison,_ for the past few days, she managed the smallest of smiles towards the younger woman. Though it faltered and faded as quickly as it'd come.

"My _dearest_ O'Brien, I'm sorry to have called upon you at this hour" she began, her voice was hoarse form not speaking for so long.

"Tis my honour M'lady, any hour it may be" Sarah replied quickly, wanting, once again to say so much more. But finding after years of building up a wall around herself, hard to break it down.

Exhaling deeply, Cora smiled again. This time is broadened and she reached out her hand. Motioning for O'Brien to come over and take it. Which she did without a second thought. Glancing at their hands and then up again, tears formed behind Cora's eyes- though that breath-taking smile remained.

"You're _so_ good to me, I couldn't hope for a better maid, and…" Her eyebrows raised slightly, and she almost shyly added "a better _friend_?"

Constricted with emotion, Sarah had no idea how to respond. Famously she'd kept up the motto of '_they're out employers not friends_' and now she was faced with someone who genuinely seemed to care for her. It only added to her guilt.

"Of..of course" was all she managed, and realized how uncharcsistly grateful yet hesitant her tone was. Cora's thumb stoked her palm, and she felt her legs sway.

"Good" the older woman answered, wiping away stray tears with her free hand.

"Now, as to why I've called for you. As you know the Garden Party is tomorrow and I can hardly avoid it" she looked away regrettably but then shook it off "Nor can I be seen to be ill, I don't want to be a dampener on the party" she insisted, though clearly was in no fit state to be outside.

"I was hoping you could help me bathe tonight and then get ready in the morning" Swallowing a lump in her throat she cast her eyes downward "I haven't been able to go into... _there_ since the…" she nearly broke, but a gentle squeeze by O'Brien's hand kept her strength up "Well you know…"

Sarah knew to well and it was something she'd been dreading herself. It was as if she would be returning to the scene of the crime. But one look at her ladyship told her that this was no time for selfishness. Plastering her own smile, though as tentative it may be, she nodded her head

"Of course m'lady and no one will be able to tell tomorah', I promise" she said reassuringly but couldn't help but break propriety and add "But if your lady ship should feel the need to rest while out I'll do any-" she stopped herself, before melodrama took over, then continued "…just let me know"

As each moment passed Cora felt more like her old self and took it as O'Brien's influence Sometimes she marvelled at the strength her maid held. And could not fathom why Robert disliked her so much. As she shifted slightly it caused her to wince in pain. O'Brien's reaction was to lean in closer and bring her free hand to Cora's shoulder "M'lady are you…."

Before she could finish, Cora had leant in. It seemed only natural in that moment to do so and softly kiss O'Brien's cheek. It was out of gratitude more than anything.

The sudden contact caused Sarah's cheek to burn and she all but held it together. When her ladyship pulled back, she just looked at her dumbfounded "My dear O'Brien" she repeated "What _would_ I do without you?"


	4. Authors Note

**Hey guys! This is just a quick note to let you know that I haven't forgotten about this fic!**

**I've just been super busy, but I'm finally home now, so will spend tonight re-watching my DA boxet and garner inspiration :3**

**I will do my best to update by tomorrow, I promise.**

**Oh, and if you guys have any suggestions or ideas as how you'd like this next chapter to go let me know in the reviews!**


	5. Chapter 4

Apologies for the lateness of this update! I've hardly had any free time. But, anyway, here's the next chapter, not sure what I think of it. But I hope you all like it. Reviews are welcomed :)

* * *

_Chapter 4_

_I think I'll miss you forever,_  
_Like the stars miss the sun in the morning skies.__  
_

_-Lana Del Rey, Summertime Sadness._

Still in shock from the abrupt contact, Sarah found herself speechless. A rare occurrence if ever there was one. Though, she quickly composed herself

"I'm sure ye'd survive m'lady" she replied, averting her gaze from her ladyships and focused on their still entwines hands. It wasn't true, of course. Women like Cora Crawley were waited upon hand and foot from the moment they drew breath. She doubted he ladyship even knew how to dress her self, let alone survive without a maid. In the past this thought would of filled Sarah with resentment, but today as it crossed her mind she did not.

Rather, she felt sorry for Cora. Recent events had given her a new perspective on the countess. And there was no doubt had she been given the opportunity to be independent she would of thrived. It was ironic really, the women born into privilege with all they had lacked the one thing that mattered, freedom. They were stuck behind airs and graces, in limbo almost. Until they found a husband and even then, they could not really be their own person.

"Nonsense O'Brien if it weren't for you I…well you've been a great support these past ten years" She smiled in an almost kitten like manner, looking up at her maid. She'd faltered slightly wanting to say more but finding it difficult to speak the words without sounding impertinent. Her brows knitted in confusion when O'Brien didn't meet her own gaze. So almost instivtevly she brought her free hand up, using a slender finger to raise the younger woman's chin.

"Really Sarah, I _mean_ it"

She had been sure it was not possible to be surprised again that night, but when her christen name left her ladyship's lips, she was sure her heart had stopped beating. Dark eyes widened slightly, as she swallowed a lump in her throat. From the look on her lady's face it did not seem to faze her, using her given name. Perhaps she hadn't noticed, that it was just a slip of the tongue. But then in that past ten years of her working here, she'd never let it slip before. Once again, her ladyship had rendered the unyielding Sarah O' Brien to nothing more than a dewy eyed school girl.

The surprised look on her maid's face had not gone unnoticed by Cora. It took her a moment to realize what had garnered such a response, but then she'd understood. It wasn't a conscious decision to call her by her first name. it just felt natural considering everything that had happened. But the look on O'Brien's face caused her to re think her action. Perhaps it hadn't been the right decision after all, and she'd misread the extent of their friendship. Now she felt foolish, and wanted to correct the situation. Removing her hand from O'Brien's face she began to remove the heavy bed sheet.

"If you could help me to the bath O'Brien" reverting to her second name, and a more direct tone, she hoped the latter would be more comfortable. However it seemed to cause something else entirely, as she was sure she saw disappointment cross the over the other woman's features.

Moments ago Sarah had been pleasantly surprised, the use of her first name from such a prestigious person as Lady Crawley rendered her speechless. It was so strange hearing her common name on such elegant lips. And it made her feel even closer to the lady. But as quickly as her hope had emerged it'd been dashed away from her. It was as if Sarah's blackened heart had nearly begin to melt; and then suddenly frozen back to it's icy capsule. She felt stupid, humiliated even. How could she let her ladyship have such an effect on her? How could she believe she really cared? The woman had just gone through a traumatic experience, and with her husband seemingly avoiding her, the closest person she had was her. These words were only spoken to because she felt alone and once things were back to normal they'd be forgotten once again.

"Of course m'lady I'll just go and prepare it then I'll be back to assist you" The indifference in her tone had returned, and she untangled their connected hands. But just as she was about to turn and leave, she felt her wrist being taken hold of. Frowning, she raised her brow "M'lady?" she questioned, as their eyes met once again.

"I'm sorry O'Brien it's just…I don't think I can bare to sit here even for another minute" Her cheeks flushed slightly and she did her best to battle tears that threatened to pour "I'd very much like to sit in there while you did all that…I…I guess I just _don't_ want to be alone" she explained honestly and hoped O'Brien would understand.

Standing still O'Brien found her emotions mixed. She almost debated whether her spectrum of thoughts could ever be repaired. Never the less she had no time to dwell. Nodding, she wanted, no, she needed the countess to know that her words were sincere "I understand _completely_ m'lady and if there's anything else you wish to…." What was it she wanted to say? She couldn't fathom it so just motioned with her free hand in the air.

"I know" thankfully her lady had deciphered the meaning behind her words. And so once again both women found themselves smiling at one and other.

Letting go of O'Brien's wrist, Cora continued with pushing down the white sheet. Sarah instinctively began to help, after all it was her job. Though there was something different about the situation. Her ladyship was usually so dependant on her, but tonight she didn't want to seem to over bearing. She wanted Cora to be comfortable in helping herself. So after the sheet's had been removed she took a step back, clasping her hands together in fort of her.

Having not left her bed for a few days it took Cora a lot of effort to merely shit her position. Moving to sit with on the edge of the bed, her legs dangled over the side. The cooler air hit her immediately, her silk nightgown did not do much to protect her from it. Shivering, she crossed her arms around herself.

Concerned at the sight of the countess shivering, Sarah found herself stepping back to her earlier position. Placing her hands on Cora's shoulder's. "M'lady are you alrigh'" she asked "Do ye'r need a dressin' gown?"

Unable to contain her gratitude any longer, Cora felt the tears begin to fall "Oh, O'Brien, how kind you are" sniffling she brought one of her own hands to rest on O'Brien's "I don't think I'll _ever_ be able to show you how grateful I am" her hand squeezed her maids, which were still on her shoulders. With her free one she wiped at the tears.

"Call me Sarah"

The sound of her voice even caught her off guard, but Sarah couldn't stop herself. Finally Cora had looked up, a quizzical look on her face. And she knew there was no going back now.

"Ye'r have nothin' to show gratitude for but, well…nothin' would please me more than that, m'lady" Already she felt self conscious at her words, but when her ladyship had used her given name it'd filled her with such delight, that she feared nto to hear it again from her would be all but to devastating.

With the last of her tears shed, Cora's face beamed. She was glad of some emotion finally from her maid. And that propriety hadn't been in the way for once.

"I'd love to, _Sarah_…and perhaps you could call me, Cora?"she asked as if she were a little girl, both brows raised expectantly. Hoping that by breaking this small barrier in their relationship then it could ease the tension between both. It was preposterous anyway, that it had taken them ten years to even get to this point.

"If that would please you m'la-…I mean _Cora_, then I shall" Using the name felt foreign on her tongue and it would get some taking used to. But it brought such warmth to her, she could hardly contain it.

Shooting up from where she'd been sitting, Cora now stood mere inches away from Sarah. She hadn't felt this happy since, well before the accident. "Wonderful!" she exclaimed loudly.

Seeing Cora in such high spirits once again was overwhelming. Sarah was pleased that she'd seemingly forgot about her tragic miscarriage. She also noted how close both of them were stood, and how her hands remained on the older woman's shoulders. Awkwardly she began to move them, but again found her movements stopped, as Cora gently held her hands in between them.

"I cannot express how happy you've made me this evening, Sarah" almost giddy she couldn't resist adding Sarah' at the end of her sentence. She wanted to say it over and over again. It was rare for her to have a female friend. Of course she had other Lady's and they all proclaimed to be friends but it was only to do with social standing or something as futile. And apart from her daughter's the only other two women she was supposed to be close to where her mother and sister in law. And even those friendships were more on the surface. For the first time ever she felt as if she had a genuine friend in the world.

Inwardly Sarah was just as pleased with how things had progressed. But her wall of indifference made it harder for her to express her own emotions. Instead she remained silent, stood with her hands in Cora's. Content. That was until the voice in her head reminded her of what she'd done. And how Cora wouldn't even need all this had it not been for her.

Reverting her eyes she dismissively remarked under her breath "Makes a change 'en" she couldn't help herself, it was the truth.

Looking back at Cora, it was clear she'd heard it, the smile had been replaced with confusion "What do you mean?" she asked, concerned.

Sighing, Sarah knew could never reveal her darkest secret; not yet anyway. Maybe one day she would tell Cora the truth but for now she dismissed it "Nothin' m'la- _Cora_" she corrected herself "Just that not many 'round 'ere consider me the best of people"

Immediately, Cora began shaking her head, and managed to get even closer, if that were possible "I won't hear another word of it, as far as I'm concerned you _are_, and I hope my opinion is of value" Without thinking she leaned forward, so that their foreheads rested together "They just don't know the real you, and I'd like to think I do or at least I'm closer to" whispering the soft words, she remained where she was. There was something so natural about their closeness and she wished to remain that way forever.

"Thank you, Cora" Sarah's own whisper constricted with emotion. And finally she'd managed to say her name without the mistake at the beginning.

With a heavy heart Cora finally pulled away, her eyes flickered from Sarah's eyes to her lips, and she found herself wanting something she'd never dreamt of before. Licking her lips Cora leant forward once more, only to have Sarah step back.

"Let's get your bath started or else I fear it'll be mornin' before we know it"

Sarah hadn't been blind, she'd seen the way Cora's eyes had looked at her. And what was just about to happen. She wished for nothing more than to _let it_ happen, but knew she couldn't. There were so many factors working against the whole situation. Cora was vunenerable, perhaps not even in the right state of mind. And she was not about to take advantage. Besides she had never thought of a woman in such a way, it wasn't right. She was not Thomas, she wouldn't be jumping into bed with the same sex and think nothing of it.

_That_ was how she reasoned with herself anyway. But knew it was just another lie she told herself to keep from letting anyone close to her.

Cora nodded in agreement, though the sadness had returned into her eyes once again. Had she misread everything? Or was she behaving undignified? She felt at a loss again. Letting go of Sarah's hands, she instantly missed the contact.

"You're right, no doubt you'll be up early tomorrow as well"

* * *

From the moment they'd gotten up the staff at Downton had been a flurry of rushing and endless work; even more so than usual. Mrs Hughes had even insisted they all got up an hour earlier than usual just to make sure everything went as planned. But as far as Sarah was concerned it was all one big farce. Her resentment to having even more of her precious free time taken up by preparing a party for people she resented did not bode well. While others hurried along, she'd sat at her usual spot at the table. Bringing a cup of tea to her lips now and then. No one seemed to realize the way her eyes constantly glanced at the bells on the wall, nor how her free hand rapped against the wooden table.

Ever since the night before Sarah had been dreading this day, knowing how she'd have to face her ladyship. After the almost kiss, she 'd managed to brave the bathroom and let her ladyship bathe. More than once she'd wished to soothe Cora's emotions in that room, but found a barrier between them. A barrier she knew was entirely her own.

Exhaling deeply her hand unconsciously ran across the cheek Lady Crawley'd kissed that very same night, before their admission to calling each other by their Christian names. The display of affection had caught her completely off guard, and only served to intensify the guilt within her. But there was something else to, something she couldn't quite understand. The gentle kiss had sent electricity through her, it'd made her feel alive, content. It had barely lasted three seconds but Sarah swore she could still feel the intensity on her pale skin. Then why had she pulled away from the second time she'd wanted a kiss, this time on the lips? That very notion unnerved her. Up until a few days ago she'd hated her lady ship. Well, ever since she'd been caught speaking her mind about Matthew Crawley anyway. The humiliation she'd felt after been scolded like a toddler was something she could hardly bare. And even now with her feelings towards the countess changed it still stung to think about it.

"Penny for them" Thomas's voice cut through her dwelling, but it still took her a moment to re-enter reality. Shifting in her seat slightly, she stared questionable at him "Your thoughts" he explained coyly "You looked miles away, thinkin' of ways to avoid Lady G?"

Their conversations would start one of two ways, banter or plotting and it seemed as if Thomas had gone for the latter.

"Why would I wan' to avoid 'er?" she regretted how sharply she'd replied, knowing that Thomas would instantly know there was something going on. And the way he raised his brow at her only clarified this. "Calm down Miss O'Brien I was only sayin' I suppose you're glad she's getting' back to 'er senses really, with none of seein' so much of a glimpse of 'er…though by the looks of it she ain;t keepin' yer busy"

Pulling out the chair opposite, her grinned "Perhaps she did find that replacement after all"

She gave Thomas a look usually saved for the likes of Bates. Taking it as a hint, the footman raised his hands "Alright alright I get it" he exclaimed, the grin never leaving his face.

"I'll 'ave you know I was up nearly 'alf the night takin' care of 'er ladyship, besides why are you so concerned about my work? Thought you 'ad bigger plans with the war 'round the corner" It was rare for them to exchange stern words, but it seemed today was one of those days.

"Well you musn't of done a good job at it seeing as Anna was sent to get her ready this morning after she did the girls"

O'Brien was caught of guard by this piece of information; she hoped it was one of Thomas's tricks, but he would never try such a thing with her.

"What're yer' on about? She hasn't even rang yet" Sarah tried to keep her tone neutral, but found it increasingly difficult.

"That's were you're wrong, Mrs Hughes came down and informed Anna she'd be dressing her ladyship this mornin'" Pulling out a pack of cigarette's he motioned with them "You were outside 'avin one of these" Putting it in his mouth, he lit it "So what did ye'r do wrong?"

"Nothin'!" she barked, unable to contain her anger. Pushing away from the table, she paused for thought "Well then, I beset be off, I'm not out of a job yet"

* * *

Once out of the kitchen, Sarah stopped dead in her tracks. She had to press her back against the wall in order to stand straight. Why had her ladyship requested Anna to dress her? Last night she'd asked her to attend to her earlier than anyone. Ignorance was not a trait she held, so immediately thought of what had almost occurred. Or perhaps it wasn't that at all, what if her ladyship regretted the informal tone of their conversation. Whatever it was she needed to get to the bottom of it.

"Thank you, Anna, that will be all" Cora beamed from where she sat at the vanity. Having been dressed and her hair done, she wanted to be alone before having to face the whole world at the garden party.

"Yes, M'lady" Anna curtsied and made her way out. As soon as she was gone Cora began to scrutinize the young maids handy work. She was a pleasant girl, but the way she'd styled her hair was nothing like O'Brien would of done. Sighing, she felt guilty for avoiding the woman, but felt to ashamed to see her as of yet. She'd been foolish in her grief to misread signals, and feared she'd tarnished any friendship they could have. It annoyed her more seeing as they'd crossed boundaries with first names. She almost smirked at the thought, then thought how funny it was- Anna and the other maids were always referred to by their first names and yet someone who'd been there for ten years like. O'Brien, was not.

Before she could think further on it Robert walked in, she turned and smiled "Dearest I wasn't expecting you here so soon" she tried to be chirpy, she knew how much Robert loathed her American trait of showing to much emotion. Or dramatics as he would call it.

" I thought It would be best" He walked up behind her, placing both hands on her shoulders' Immediately she was reminded of O'Brien's touch last nigh. Kissing her on the top of her head he continued

"I've missed you Cora, I fear I've neglected you in your hour of need" Her smile nearly cracked, but she turned to look up at him " It's alright darling, you were grieving too, it will all be better after this party" reassuring him was all she seemed to do, never the other way around. In a way she resented it, but was so used to the way things were she feared it would never change.


End file.
